My guest today is Erik Carpenter. Erik is a culture coach and my dear friend.
We're talking about business culture coaching, believing in your dreams and stepping into the most authentic version of YOU!
Follow Erik on Instagram @aec65
Please like and subscribe here and also visit my links page to see all of the other places we can connect https://www.joyfulicity.com/links
My guest today is Erik Carpenter. Erik is a culture coach and my dear friend.
We're talking about business culture coaching, believing in your dreams and stepping into the most authentic version of YOU!
Follow Erik on Instagram @aec65
Please like and subscribe here and also visit my links page to see all of the other places we can connect https://www.joyfulicity.com/links
Welcome to the joy Felicity podcast. I'm your host, Laura Wakefield. My guest today is my good friend, Eric carpenter. I've known Eric for several years now. And he's just such a fun, loving, wonderful person. Every time we get on the phone, it's at least a two to three hour conversation, because we just have so much to talk about. We are very like minded in terms of the way we look at life. And the fact that we enjoy coaching and social media and all of those sorts of things. So I'm excited to have him on today. Eric is a culture coach, and I believe a personal coach, also for people. His primary theme is living an authentic life and living unapologetically. So I'm excited to get into those topics with him. Welcome, Eric. Thanks for being here. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. I been looking forward to this and following your adventures as well. And
Erik Carpenter:counting down the moments until we could, we could chat again. So
Laura Wakefield:we talk all the time. So I just today, I'm just kind of inviting other people into one versation sales. I had never heard of it culture coach before I met you, Eric, explain to everybody what in the world is culture coach?
Erik Carpenter:Okay, so this is really great. I was having a conversation yesterday with someone because I do. And to your point, I do personal development coaching, as well. And in my position as a culture coach and the organization that I'm in, which is a small or medium sized construction company in Northeast Ohio. And so I do personal development coaching for our entire team. And I take everyone through a series of assessments, personality assessments, so they get to know themselves better. We identify their strengths, and then we walk them through their personal why. And one of the things that we're really focusing on right now is, is if you could do anything you wanted, and there were no obstacles or limits, what would you do? That's a whole different topic, and for a different podcast, but to see people's reactions and to help them navigate that is a I mean, it's mind blowing, and it's fun, it's great. Anyway, so I do personal coaching, and I'm doing culture coaching. So
Laura Wakefield:it might hold mostly focused on their position at the job or on their life.
Erik Carpenter:Okay, so it's people's, it's kind of wrecking people's World at Work someone our leadership team, as well as the individual, because, typically, and this is my mindset about in the school tighten to unapologetically you. I like to take the playbook. And the thing that is said, you have to do it this way. And I always love just evaluating it, because sometimes that playbook needs to be destroyed. Sometimes it has to be tweaked. And sometimes it needs to be eradicated. And so the reason I'm going this route is because like when I'm talking to them, I've had to ask myself that same question like what would I do? I could do anything I wanted. And so I'm going to take you back just a little bit. And this is the long answer to a short question.
Laura Wakefield:No, absolutely. I'm interested to hear it. So it's
Erik Carpenter:16. I'm living in Atlanta. And I, the my partner that I was with at the time, she and I were talking one day and and I was kind of complaining about the job I was doing, I was doing some consulting for a small startup in Atlanta. I was doing business consulting and business, somewhat culture, but it was really a kind of a list of things that I was helping them with. And I just kept bumping into push back just kept getting pushed back pushed back. So I was kind of complaining. And my partner at the time, she said, if you could do anything, what do you want to do? And I thought, Well, I kind of know what I want to do. I think I'm doing it. I'm just getting this pushback. So I decided to go on a run. So I'm on the run, I can still see where I am on this trail. I'm in Kirkwood, right little neighborhood right outside of Atlanta. And I stopped on the trail pause the workout, took out my phone and wrote this tiny manifesto about what I wanted. And it was basically I wanted to work with people who valued my strengths and what I brought to the table. I wanted to work with like minded people who believe that the human potential is infinite, and that we can have whatever we want. I wanted to work in a place where individuals were valuing one another, instead of wanting to duplicate themselves. They were actually like valuing the other person's differences in what they brought to the table. There was a lot more but that's just kind of a snapshot. And so I take it back, I show it to my partner and she says this job does not exist. No one will ever do this. and you need to get your head out of the clouds, right. And I'm like, but I felt it so strongly, it was very much in alignment with who I was with my personality, and what I wanted to do in the world. And so I just held it open handed and continued to just go about my life, but yet, revisited this thing, I had added it to my evidence journal, that life just works out. And so I added it to that, and I would go through and I'd visit it, and then I would sit in imagine myself doing this thing that I wanted to do. Well, then we move forward to 2018, I moved to Northeast Ohio. That's again, that's a whole a very long and beautiful story, I end up in Northeast Ohio. And I ended up talking to the owner of an organization. And he began to share his heart for his organization. And I cannot believe what I was hearing, because I was like, I've never met anyone who articulated the way he did. And then that was really so like minded. So it really was intriguing. And then probably three or four months later with met again, he was continuing to grow in his desire and vision for what he wanted for the company, and was more committed. And so he offered me a job and I took it. When I shared with him what I wanted to do, he was like, write out your job description, you can do whatever you want for the company. And so what I'm doing today is we created the position called the culture coach, that was your original question, what is the culture goat, we created position, it's a made up word. But it goes to prove that there are things that we want in our lives that we've never seen done before, or modeled, or we've been told it can't be done. And but it's, it's that little seed that's inside of us. And if we trace back that seed, it's usually if we can see all the areas where we've been doing this thing, right, but we many times we we walk away with this belief that I can't have what I want, because of the city, I live in the job, I work at the man, the woman, the the situation, the dog, whatever, why can't have what I really want. And so I'm starting to push back on that a little bit and just say, Well, what if you could have that thing that you really want. So that's how I ended up where I'm at. I mean, the position I'm in, we created it, and I wrote about it. And so I believe you can have what you want. So a culture coach, my, like the day in the life of a culture coach would be I, I get to do personal development coaching, like I said, when the company is growing, or making choices and decisions are introducing processes and procedures and things like that. I sit in a lot of meetings just to ask the right questions. Is this in alignment with our values? Is this in alignment with our vision? Does this fit into our why? Why do we exist? And does this fit into that? Why? How is it gonna affect the team? How's it going to affect them? Not just monetarily, but how's it going to affect them, you know, emotionally and mentally. And so that's just bits and pieces, a little bit of what I do create leadership development programs. We take all of our people through, like I said, roadmaps, that's something that that we created in house, again, not familiar with if anybody else is doing it, not that it matters or not that that's super special, but it's just different. And we'll actually
Laura Wakefield:love that, that your partner said this job doesn't exist. And she was right. It didn't. It didn't. So you just said well, that's not gonna stop me. I'm just gonna go create it then. And I love that. I love it. Yeah,
Erik Carpenter:yeah. So I love the idea of, you know, the No Limits. And so my, my personal why is I exist to awaken, communicate and promote freedom from limitations. And that's not to say that people do not have that there are not external things and internal belief systems that will sometimes impede our growth or hold us back from the thing that we really, really want. And so, sure, this hasn't been just, you know, that the easiest journey, but it's that internal work that we're doing, that begins to that begins to show up in a way that's so amazing and beautiful and does impact and affect our external, our external world and the external forces that are kind of at play in our life?
Laura Wakefield:Well, that kind of leads into kind of our primary topic for this, which was unapologetic living and living in authenticity, essentially, but without apology, and what does that mean? Because you know, you hear that a lot these days authenticity, we want authenticity in the world. And so it's kind of a catchphrase, it's really popular right now. But what when you hear that what does that mean to you to live authentically?
Erik Carpenter:Yeah, that's good. Um, I've thought about this a lot. And since you and I've been talking, and we've talked about this before, but I'll just for our viewers here and our listeners. So at the company on that, we have a Chico staff. And she came into my office one day, and she brings this picture and it's hanging behind over here, above my desk, be unapologetically you. And I thought, well, this is really nice. What, why? Why are you giving me this? And she began to talk about how that my presence in the organization that I would show up in a way that I just was me. And I just didn't really care what people thought or how they felt. Now, let's just hope put pause on that. There's a framework to being unapologetically you. And so we will talk about the authenticity thing as well. The framework is it, to me, it has to be based in frame framed in this idea of love. Right? I still I have to come at it from a place of love, of kindness, compassion, and do no harm. But those are the principles that I live by. And so me being unapologetically me is always gonna be framed out of that. Is this loving? Am I being kind? Because we also live in a world. And I feel bad for everyone that and Karen, because I know that I don't really care. Okay, but that idea of, I'm just going to say what I want to say, and I'm just gonna beat that's just me. I'm just speaking my mind. I'm just that isn't necessarily like, some people are like, No, I'm just me. I'm just being me. And like, yeah, that's you, but you're really making me just rude. Maybe? Just, you know,
Laura Wakefield:yes. Because sometimes people can use this authentic, unapologetic thing as an excuse for being a jerk. Yeah. So, you know, that is kind of something that I think people hide behind sometimes for that, and that's kind of why I was kind of saying, you know, like, what does it really mean? And it's hard, it's, I don't think it means just coming out. Guns, blazes to offend everybody inside on purpose. And, you know, not care what other people you don't care what other people think. But you still care about other people. And you hurt them.
Erik Carpenter:Right? And that exactly. And so, being being unapologetically you and the way I've framed it again, is, I'm always gonna show it with love kindness, and do no harm. And so you ask the question, what does it mean to be authentic? And I think first we have to know who we are. I think we have to know like, what are my what are my triggers? And what are my What am I feeling? And am I really comfortable with my feelings and I comfortable with? Am I comfortable in my own skin. And as I was thinking this morning, before we before this, as a child, I was very much me. Like I had no problem. And children don't have a problem being who they are. Right? They will show up with big imagination. And I can as a small child, just having just a vivid imagination and really being different. And then I began to get a message from my family unit, tribe, whatever, when I was probably 678 That it wasn't alright to be me it that was not okay. You're young. Yeah, that does that my being different. And when I say different, so I was just, I loved life I loved I was, I was a happy child living in not a super happy environment. But I was happy and I was happy by myself. I was happy with others. I just was lighthearted, and loved to sing and love to act and build forts and do other things. Like I just can remember being me, and then hearing these words that you need to grow up or you can't just that, you know, this imagination thing is time to get real. And so I went through a long phase and I think back over that phase of really not knowing who I was because I began to morph into what was expected of me and really lost myself. And I just really became a kind of an angry, I will never forget. In my 20s I was just I was a jerk, like I told you I was I'm like you would not know the person I was when I was a late teens 20s and even into my 30s I was just a real I mean, it's not a really nice way to say but I was a jerk. wasn't happy, negative, very negative, very pessimistic. And, and I think back to those days and I thought about this a lot. It says I just wasn't comfortable in my skin and didn't know who I was. and felt like I was having to act and pretend all the time because I had been told that who I was wasn't okay. And, and I know that seems simple, right? So you're saying that being happy your family told you that being happy and, and, you know, having great vision and having great like ideas and things like that they said that was wrong. No, you hear that message in a lot of different ways, right? So I would hear things like, You think you're better than us? No, I don't, I don't think I'm better than you. I just I love to read I love to learn, or I like fashion at a very young age. And so I got called all the names, right? You're, you're just, you know, you like fashion. Do you like fabric? Or do you like color? You're just a sissy, right is that was the message I believe. And it was looked at negatively. And so, you know, love, safety and belonging and being our highest need, I need to make sure that I'm fitting into this family unit. So I'm going to morph and edit myself to do that. I think that affected me all those years of all this when I talked about the pessimism and negativity. Is that really affected me, I think the most and that was what was influencing that how I was showing up. And so I probably was in my 40s. And it's I don't know if it was, I went to a Coldplay concert. No, this seems weird, right. I went, I went to a Coldplay concert. And then I went to a Coldplay concert. I'll never forget it. 2010 Charlotte, North Carolina. And I just, I don't know, it was something that Chris Martin did. And for the whole concert, is, you could tell he just did not care. He was having the best time he was having. He was just he didn't mind being, like, whimsical and happy and, and running around. And just his whole like demeanor was just, I just me, I'm just here, and I'm just having a happy time. And I'm really happy that all you people are here. And I that has never left me. And so I took that attitude back. And I'll never forget just I changed the way I dress. Not just like Chris Martin, but just the way I wanted to dress that I had been told was too much to extra. But you need to calm down, right? You need to cut less exitoso song right? You need to call they need to
Laura Wakefield:fit in. You need to write like everybody. Yeah, yeah.
Erik Carpenter:Everybody else. And so I decided no, I'm not I'm going to be me, I'm gonna show up. It was me and had a conversation with my family and was like, Hey, I have also like, imposed this attitude and this energy on you. I would, we're gonna we're gonna recall that away. It wasn't okay. I apologize. I can see where it was coming from. But we're just going to be us. We're just going to live our life, we're going to have the best life, we're going to love each other. And we're going to be unapologetically who we are. So that kind of, for me that brought so much confidence into my life. And I just began to show it. And it so much changed around how I that I begin to see the imagination. Come away. I began to see the the whimsy, show back up the fun and the playfulness and that kind of thing. And so I don't know if that's, I think that I don't know if that's your question. You said you did?
Laura Wakefield:Absolutely. Well, the interesting thing that I kind of am taking from that. And so when you were not being authentic, you're being a jerk, you were being very negative. And all of that was spilling out on the people around you. And when you started to live authentically, happiness, and whimsy started to show up for the people around you too. And that's a really important point. Because I think one of the biggest things that holds us back sometimes from living authentically, is just this, this idea that it's selfish. If you're doing things for yourself and to build yourself and to, you know, to be different and unique that this is selfish somehow, and it's a very ingrained idea in our society. And it's important to point out sometimes that actually, that's actually not because whatever spirit you're bringing into a room is infecting everybody else that's in it. Oh, yeah.
Erik Carpenter:So true. I had someone telling me how long ago they were like, I can walk because they were very peaceful person that they were like, it just it just ooze from them. Like they exuded peace. And he said, I can walk into a room. And I can take the if this if it's a charged room or if it's charged in a negative way. He's like, I just had this gift and he understood who he was. And he doesn't mean meaning it arrogantly or anything like that or with cry. It was I can walk into a room and I can just take that temperature down so that everyone can breathe. And I thought well that really is a gift. And so yes, it's yeah, that you're right your your energy is is just continuously flowing out, and it is changing the environment around you either for good, bad or, you know,
Laura Wakefield:right. So it's absolutely not selfish things that bring joy out of you, because they'll let joy is going to be all around you for everybody else that's in your company as well.
Erik Carpenter:Yeah. To your point about it being looked at as selfish, that has been something that has come up for me, I've had that people say, Well, you just do whatever you want. But they didn't make it. They didn't mean it as a compliment. They were like you. You just you don't care what people think. And like, Well, again, I'm framing my choices and decisions are coming through that filter of is this loving? Is this kind is our compassion? And am I harming anyone? And if I can answer appropriately to those questions, then I'm going to move forward. And I'm really not going to that way it. I mean, it framing it that way you don't. The question is, what is somebody going to think? What are they going to think if I do this? How are they going to react, I live my life that way for so long. And it was so limiting. And it created such a small person, and angry, small person. Again, we're framing it through the right priorities, or the right motives or the right values. But I grew up in the church, we I grew up as in a fundamentalist evangelical environment my whole life. And so we were also taught that your feelings didn't matter, and that your emotions, you need to control those emotions and control those feelings at every turn. If you're angry, stifle it, if you're happy, measure it, monitor it, keep it low, oh, you're proud of yourself, you need to go to prayer time. I mean, it was such a. And that was my experience. And I know that there can be so many wonderful experiences in organized religion, but for me, it didn't go great. And so I had
Laura Wakefield:a similar experience, I think some do. And if you're very sensitive, you're going to take all those messages, like some people have a better ability to filter a message and say, I'm not listening to that. I move on with their life. And some of us internalize everything. Yeah. So when something like that is said, from the pulpit, you need to not be so prideful, you need to not be so you know, don't live so big, because that's probably whatever it is, you know, like we take that all into our heart and our, you know, our body and, and start to live from that. And it's very uncomfortable.
Erik Carpenter:Yeah. So one of the things that I've done for probably intentionally started doing in around 2000 Was I started asking why. Why do I do this? Why do I believe this? Where did this come from? We've all heard the story about the kid who is at his grandparents house or where he's at, he does like a family thing. Say Thanksgiving, right? And so his mom's cutting this ham and a pan. And but she cuts the ends of the ham off, I guess it's the Ken Ham, I don't know, just go with the story. But she cuts off the ends, because whatever she was putting in the pan didn't sit. And so she cut the ends off and put it in the pan. And then he asked her, Why do you do that? And she goes, because that's why I suppose your grandma was dead. So he went and asked his grandma is why why did you do that. And she goes, because the pan that I had, at the time, we couldn't afford a bigger pan, I just had a smaller pan. So I get a bigger pan. Right? I know that seems silly. But there's so many things that we do. And we do it because we were either either told it was the way to do it. Or we were shamed in doing it a different way that we really felt in alignment with or we were judged for the way we were doing it. And so we just conform again, conform, edit, or morph into what somebody else's idea of who we are supposed to be. And Socrates and Aristotle and all the great Greek philosopher said that a life unexamined is not worth living. And they also said that to know yourself is to know others better. So we really should be this, this journey of knowing who we are, is so important. And there are so many great ways to do that. But yeah, I think that if we understand ourselves, and we frame things through those lenses of this, does my value system, is this in alignment with who I am. And I think that it begins those other voices can begin to quiet a bit. And then we can start discovering that discovery is that beautiful, like a treasure hunt when you're discovering you, and who you are and how you show up and why do I do this? And why do I enjoy this? I think that that journey is just one of the most important things that we can do for ourselves.
Laura Wakefield:And where does somebody start with that? Because you know, you think to yourself, well, I want to start living authentically but like you touched on earlier, often you don't know yourself very well anymore for for whatever reason. You've kind of edited and I love that phrase, I've heard that first from you years ago, actually, and have used it a lot since that you've edited yourself into this version of a person that is you. But it's, it's not at the same time. And so, you know, just live authentically, all of a sudden, we can turn around, especially in midlife and realize I don't even know what my authentic self looks like, I was filling out a form one time at a women's meeting, and actually started crying. And I had to kind of excuse myself, because I'm filling out this form, I was about 40 or 45, something like that recently divorced. And, and the questions were like, What are your hobbies? What do you like to do? But you know, all these things about getting to know you kind of thing? And I didn't know the answers. I thought, well, I know what I used to like to do before I had kids. Yeah, I know what I liked when I was a teenager. But I didn't know anymore. And that was so disconcerting. So where does somebody don't?
Erik Carpenter:Yeah, thank you. That's a great, and I'll share and experience what like what you're talking about. Saying, just for myself, probably 2008 or so. I had a friend who was a coach in Savannah. And she kept saying, we need to, I'd love to do this personality assessment for you. And I was like, No, I don't want to do that. And I'm happy with. I'm happy with who I am. I don't, I don't. I don't. And then she would say, Well, do you and she would always give me these. She'd give me that back in the day, right? We had our CD cases, our massive CD case, paid around. Thank you, Steve Jobs for changing the world. The three players anyway. So she would hand me these leadership CDs. And she goes, you're just a natural leader. And I say, I am not a leader. I'm not a leader. I don't, I don't know how and I don't want to do I don't want to be responsible. It's just like, No, I'm telling you, you really did, she'd give me these. I never listened to any of them, I will tell you that I never listened to them. And so, but over time, you know, we built them for I trusted her. And so I brought her I engaged for services as a coach. And she recommended a personality assessment. And there's a number of different assessments out there. There's Myers Briggs and Enneagram. And I did one called The Elements assessment. And it it worked really great for me, because it just touched into those creative sides of who I am and how I like to like how I think. And so did this assessment. And I just wept. I could not believe what I was reading because I thought I was broken. For so many years. I thought I was broken. And that wasn't enough. Like I thought now why can't I be more organized? Why can't I be less? out there? I can I'm in a constant state of jazz hands, right? Why did why can't I put my hands in my pockets and just be normal? And just on down? Yeah, just on them. Right? And may I say, I have a limit. I've I've the word normal is like, back in the day, the F word? I would not ever say it because it was the taboo word now. Felix, I'm getting at, but I have no problem with it. But anyway. But the word normal is the new F word for me. Like, what is normal? What are we calling normal? Like, no, there's no normal. And so like you are who you are, and you're created beautifully and designs eloquently and amazing, have these great giftings and, and dreams and power. And there's so much inside of us. Right? And so. But I had been told I was not enough or that I was broken. And I believed that. And I always doubted how I showed up. And I would literally say to people, I don't trust myself in this moment. I don't trust how I'm showing up. So you just make the decision. I don't know what to do. Now, there are moments like I know when I'm not gifted at something, and when I'm not strong in the area. So I'm happy to say you know what, I don't have a clue about this. So I'm just gonna let you, you let me know what you say. But I will let them. I don't give my power to someone, but I trust them. And so I'm going to engage what they know. Does that make
Laura Wakefield:sense? Important? Because authenticity isn't arrogance. Right? Right. It's coming to understand our our own strengths and our own weaknesses. I think that's part of authenticity is confronting those two.
Erik Carpenter:Yeah. And then being comfortable with it and being able to admit it. And what does that do for someone else, whether you engage their strengths, you've just valued that person like you've just seen them they can feel seen. However, I had grown up believing all this, these lies about myself. And so when I take this assessment and I begin to read about Who I am and these things that are very much on my oh my god. Yes. That's how that exactly. Mind blown. Yeah. And then I was like, I want to do more of this. What else can I do? And she turned me on to Clifton Strengths finders 2.0. And so you can get the book, you can go online, there's a Clifton website. It's called the Gallup Clifton's Strength Finders is what it is. It's through the Gallup Comm, you know, Gallup polls and stuff like that. And so I did the assessment around Strength Finders, and again, I'm reading my top five strengths. And every single one of those strengths I was told was a weakness and was a problem my whole life, not just from my family, but from the tribe, and the people that I did life with. Now, it's important to understand lower that, you know, Maslow said that the hierarchy of needs that that hierarchy of needs includes love, safety and belonging, our desire and our brain is constantly trying to keep us safe, and keep us engaged and and community because it knows that we can't make it on our own. Right? And so we're in a group of people who are saying, Don't do that. That's not okay. Now, I'm not talking about inappropriate things. I'm just talking about being yourself, right? And then Calm down. Don't be so loud. Don't be so mad. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do this, or you start hearing that message. And so you think, Okay, well, in order to be in this tribe, I need to, I need to fit in. And so I'm going to do these things. And so like my top five strengths, I will share them. Number one is activator, a person who has an activator is getting stuff done, they just get stuff done. But it can appear in an unhealthy way as being impulsive. My whole life, no matter what I did when I was starting a business, or whether I was buying a new house or whatever I was being called impulsive. Always. You're just impulsive. You're too quick. You make decisions too fast. You move. But all my decisions very methodical. And then I acted once I made my decision. I act. That's what activators do. You are teacher right? Those? I was decisive? Yeah, yes. And so I get called in, you're intimidating, or you're you're being you're bowling or whatever. The second one is futuristic. So I think in a way this down the road, I see from 30,000 feet above, I'm looking at what's ahead. And what's next. So I always got called, Eric, get your head out of clouds. You're always thinking about the future, you're always thinking about what's next. Just stop and get your head out of the clouds. Like that's not possible. Remember the comment, that job doesn't exist, you can never do that. That was my futuristic shrink kicking in. So I get
Laura Wakefield:told, or I've been told, why can't you just be content? Just? Yes. You're just spending time with it. And then you feel, Oh, maybe I'm just being discontented rather than I have a lot of big dreams. And so it's all about how you frame it and say it. Yeah. But there are people in your life that will frame it. negatively,
Erik Carpenter:negatively, right. I went through all that it was so ideation. And I can tell you, I have 100 ideas a day. 100 Most of them are crap. But I have a lot of ideas. Lots of ideas. I've started multiple businesses, they did really well. I sold multiple businesses. The job that I'm doing right now was it was birthed out of not just futuristic thinking, but ideation. It was an idea. intellection is the other one, I love reading. I am like a sponge. I consume information both both, you know, auditory, and visually. Like I love taking in information. I love reading, I love researching. And so I was told my whole life that you think you're better than us because you know these things, oh, you read this, and you know this, so you just think you're better? Why do you have to what, who cares about that information? I'm like, This is important information, you should know this information. This is really good stuff. And you always get like, Oh, you just so anyway, that was a message I received from that. And that learner. And so again, let's learn here, just reading, like to take in the information like to, you know, just I have I'm pretty good at Trivial Pursuit or I used to be when that was a popular game. Because I just know random facts about random things. But those the point of that is is I was always told those were weaknesses, or that there was a problem, but they were actually things that were part of. Now, of course, each of these things has a has a healthy average and an unhealthy side. And I definitely be unhealthy at times in the strengths. But when I understood what those drinks were, then I could see how to show up. How did these strengths show up in a healthy way. And then I could just start making those small changes and it is changed my life. So when you say how do you start? Know yourself? There are plenty of assessments that are amazing. Right now we focus on the Enneagram And we love that and I have Enneagram coaches that I work with, I help people unpack their Enneagram. And then we, and then through Strength Finders just it's just a good snapshot. And what I like to say is your personality profile results are lived out through your Strength Finders is like if I am the Enneagram, I'm a seven, which is an enthusiast. A seven is, again, pretty futuristic, pretty creative. very, they're very bubbly, very out there, like, loves to engage people loves to I call it spinner when you walk into a room and just make sure everyone feels like they've been seen engaged with, they're having a good time. Do you need eyes? What's that music? Okay, let's change this, let's do it. And so that's very much who I am. When I look at my strengths, like, yeah, that activator, the, the futuristic, that that, that those pieces are showing up throughout the Enneagram. So that's how I, that's my recommendation, though I'm not selling anything. The package that I like to use for our people, and for my clients is we start with the Enneagram, we unpack it, it gives a just a wealth of information. So you could go as deep into that as you want, there's multiple books, or what I like to do is just kind of do a, a package. So that kind of the what I find is probably the most effective or that's going to be the best launching off. And so I'll put together a package for that. And then with Strength Finders, we go through that. And then I do like just a one page explanation of that string. And then recommend that people go and just just read about I mean, yeah, get to know yourself, read about who you are. And and then from there, we start walking through the why, like, why do you exist? Why are you here? And there's so many studies right now. And I'm switching a little bit, but the whole shortage of employees right now, people who don't want to work, right. That's what we keep hearing. And what we're understanding and today's economy and today's workplace, people want to know, what's the meaning behind this? What, what does this mean? What do I bring to the table. And so there is a movement. Now if people wanting to know who they are, understand how they tick. Understand you're, I mean, if you understand your, your trauma, and you understand your triggers, then you just know what to navigate and how to navigate in a much more healthy and informed way. So yeah, there's so many benefits to just starting that journey of getting to know who you are. So I guess if we were to say, to put this in a sentence to be able to live unapologetically in a healthy way, you would start by getting to know who you are.
Laura Wakefield:Yeah. Yeah. Which, you know, that sounds like such a simple question. But really, like you said, it's kind of a lifetime pursuit. Because as we go along, through, like, we change we grow. And that sometimes can cause problems in personal relationships. Because when you start making changes, not everybody loves that, because they're used to you the way that you've always been. And you may have been extremely sincere in that if, if 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, but life has changed, you've had new experiences, you're different, you've changed. And so you know, within interpersonal relationships, living this way, it's sometimes gonna ruffle some feathers, or in your little circle around you. Sometimes you need a whole new circle if the changes are real dramatic, and people won't accept that. But on the flip side, I think it's really important for us to remember that as we watch other people that we love going through these discoveries in their life, to be so so careful not to be that wet blanket on top of their dreams. Right. Oh, and yeah, and not to send those messages because that was one question that I had for you that we've touched on briefly. But like, where did these apologies come from? Because we do this impulsively. I've talked about this before on another podcast, but the apology is almost like a knee jerk reaction. Now we say sorry for everything we think and feel and want. We say sorry, if somebody will cut us off in traffic, and we'll be like, oh, sorry. They did that. You didn't even do that. You know, so these apologies. They run really deep. But there's so it's not instinctive, but they're just very natural reactions that have developed where did these words that start because you said earlier, we're not that way as kids, we want to be an astronaut and a rock star. And nobody says you can't do that to a little kid. They say, Oh, isn't that cute? Here's a costume. Let's play pretend about that. Right? And then you get to maybe 10 or 11. And people start saying, Well, you know, maybe that's not really realistic. And then by the time you're 18, it's like don't even think about that.
Erik Carpenter:Right? Yes. So the way the brain, the way that we're wired, is, when you're born, you've got your, you've got, you are born with no subconscious, you just have a conscience. And I'm getting into like a little bit of brain science here. And I'm not, by no means am I an expert, I just, this is a very cursory explanation. So we are a sponge, as a baby, as a child, even in the mother's womb, we are a sponge, and we are taking in the energy we are taking in things that we hear, it is all information that's coming. So when we're born, up until the from our infancy up to the age of five, again, we are forming a subconscious. And that subconscious is basically it's those motor skills, it's those things that we now do very naturally. But prior to that, we just see the world in a very different way. And we're taking it all in and we're responding and reacting to what's happening around us. And so as that subconscious is being built, and as it's developing, basically around the age of five or six, we start getting that message that we that safety message. And so the message is that it's the input from our environment. So whether that's your religious background, or your educational, whatever that group is, or whatever the family unit is, or, or whatever the friend circle is, we start taking in all that information, and we start building the messages, like we're taking those building blocks, and we're creating the messages. Sometimes the message wasn't what we thought it was. But we heard it the way we heard it. And so we we built that, it basically you're building and you're halfway. And so you're building these neural pathways in your in your mind, and you're giving that neuro pathway, the information and you're saying, hey, don't forget, don't say that. And we don't talk about this. And we don't act that way. Because, again, safety is important. Love is important. And belonging is important. So make sure you're fitting in. And so I think that, and that's what I think of when I think of where are these apologies coming from? Like, why are we apologizing for things? Why do we feel like we need to apologize. And I think if it continues to be that need that, Oh, I'm getting outside the lines here, I'm coloring with a different color. I crossed it. And I'm talking about being rude crossing the line or inappropriate, I'm talking about like being just being or so have now crossed the line, right. And when it's funny, because one of the biggest things that I've heard, and that people that I've worked with the the message they've always received, or the one of the main messages received is when you do something that's not within the confines of your tribe, that the first message you hear is you're extra, you're too much, you're too much. You're too big. You want too much, you, you just You're out. Yeah. And so those messages are because it's a threat, like you said, it ends up being a threat to the system. And I have seen that in so many, so many situations in my life, where my choice and decision to do something that is in alignment with who I am, is framed in the framework that I built around kindness and do no harm. I step into those things. I'm sorry, I'm having just I'm thinking of all the times this has come up. I look at them. And I think my God, they're so silly. But it was a threat to their apathy, it was a threat to their homeostasis and to their complacency. And it meant, oh, I might have to change or I should change well, it's easier for me to rip them down, tear them down and attack them than it is for me to deal with my own stuff. And
Laura Wakefield:if you understand me assuming that you're judging them now, because you're doing something differently, that could be and be coming at it from a defensive place, even if you're not like, right, just because you change doesn't necessarily mean that you think everybody that's still doing what you used to do is, you know, is bad. It's just not for you anymore.
Erik Carpenter:Right? And I think your to your point and this again, how much time do we have?
Laura Wakefield:We're getting there. But go
Erik Carpenter:to your point, and this is a really important point. If I change what's gonna happen to my relationships, what's gonna happen to my interpersonal relationship, my partner, my spouse, my mom and dad, these people that I do life with what's going to happen? And you have to evaluate that for yourself. And you have to decide is is it worth it to remain? I don't want to say small because that feels negative, but in authentic and authentic, great. Is it? Is it just easier to remain In authentic, is it? Is it safer Is it is it easier than actually stepping into, like, who I can be fully. And I've lost relationships I have, I have lost relationships, I have, I've grown, right. And I'll say to people in my life I listen, I'm I'm on this journey. And I'm, I'm constantly, I call it the gingivitis of my soul, where I'm like the dental hygienist with the little Pig thing, and I'm probably picking away all the gingivitis of my soul so that I can have the cleanest teeth, I don't know. Right, so that I can continue to just have healthy, a healthy soul. And so sometimes that
Laura Wakefield:or when you use that imagery, it does kind of make you see those things differently. When you see them as gingivitis. It's like, yeah, I get them out. I don't want that in my life,
Erik Carpenter:broccoli and myself. And so when I had been in relationships, where I've said to people, like, Hey, this is happening, and I'm growing, and they and it's natural progression, sometimes there's never a conversation has to happen. You don't have to have an awkward uncomfortable, is just one day you turn around and it's like, oh, they're not here anymore. Okay, well, or that you don't get a response in the text. You don't get the phone call response. And I mean, I've had family members that, and partners that it just, we there have been times when one was growing, and the other wasn't. There have been times when I've been with people, we were growing at the same pace. And then I like to think of it in the sense of we got to Chicago, and metaphorically speaking, and I was going to Portland, Maine, and they were going to Portland, Oregon. And but we were both going to Portland, we'll just differences. Different. Yeah, that's happened in my life. And then that's not
Laura Wakefield:hurt. I mean, that it Yeah, it's important to acknowledge that that's, that's can be painful, you know. So it's not like, stepping into living unapologetically, or authentically is without struggle, because suddenly you are taking responsibility for all the things that you're meant to do in your destiny. And yeah, you might alter relationships or status quo that is comfortable for you. So on the flip side of that, then what's the consequence of not doing that?
Erik Carpenter:Right? And that's the other question, you know? And that's the question you have to ask, and this is why I learned I talked about earlier about evaluating, and I do this consistently and constantly doing this evaluation about why I do what I do, why do I believe what I believe? And what else could be true. And so I like that I could mitad to living the fullest life, I can live within my framework, I am committed to extracting every ounce of juice out of this grape called life that I can. And it would just for me, the alternative of being small or being or editing or morphing is death. It feels like dying inside. And I've been there, and I've just committed that I will not do that again. And so on the flip side, when you know, this is what I was thinking we were talking about the dangers of this right with the fear because it can't strike fear. It's funny I was I follow a she's called the mindful therapist, I think for the mindful relation entities on Instagram. And she was, she had a caption in the day, and it was so good. And it was the fear that strikes a person when they're growing, right, the fear that I'm butchering this, but in your relationship, if your partner sees you growing and they they're choosing not to, they do become afraid, because they do realize that I'm going to lose this person, they're going to outgrow me. So I don't ever want to grow based on fear. I don't want to grow because I'm afraid someone's going to leave. But I want to enjoy the journey with them. I want to go on the adventure. Also, because this growth isn't adventure. It is like a treasure hunt. So if you can, you know for those who are listening in you have it use your imagination and whatever alone if you could just sit and think and and just think about what it was like when you were a kid and how you was how it was easy to slip into imagination, world and imaginary place. Just imagine the treasure hunt. You know, I think of Johnny Depp, you know, on the Black Pearl, and he's on a treasure hunt and he's always hunting the treasure, right? And I think of this growth and the our evolution as a treasure hunt. And I want to be on it all the time. To the people who think I could not do this because I would lose this individual what this relationship might go away. I can only say to you, that there are there are those those are possibilities. But the walk come on in the water's fine. It there is safety in it. And you know, we don't like to take chances Lighthouse because we're afraid. But I think it would like this floor like I'm holding on to a rope. And the rope is hanging over a cliff. And the cliff is jagged at this hop and the rope is beginning to fray. And it's fraying and fraying. And it's a drop to my death if this rope breaks. And so but there's another rope and it's just, I can't reach it, like I can't put my hand out and naturally reach it. So I got to, I'm gonna have to like, leap and jump and let this fraying rope go. But so many times we'll hold on to a frame rope, a fraying relationship, a frame job, a frame, whatever, because it's representing safety in this moment. But it really is not our future. And our future is that rope that's right there, that fresh new rope. But I'm gonna have to make a jump to get it in, I'll get it, it's going to happen, I'm going to grab the rope. And so I'm just inviting people to let go the fraying rope and jump over to this, this new fresh rope, this new fresh way of thinking.
Laura Wakefield:And the amazing thing is once you start like you can start maybe with something really small, that's not terribly threatening just some small change, like, like in a new outfit in your closet that suits you more than most of the stuff you're wearing. It can be something very simple like that, you know, that maybe we never have worn anything like that, because I'm a mom and moms don't wear that or I'm too old for that or that's too bright or whatever. Yes. Just start with something as simple as that. And what's funny is when you feel that feeling of how, how that feels to to yourself. It's it's a bit contagious, and it does start to kind of grow from there. So I have one more question for you. But before I ask it, tell everybody how they find you. If they want to.
Erik Carpenter:Connect, so I am on Instagram, and it's a e c 65. I'm gonna Facebook is Eric carpenter Eric with a K. Er ik carpenter. Or email is Eric carpenter. 40 eight@gmail.com. I don't really
Laura Wakefield:description for the podcast. Okay.
Erik Carpenter:Okay. Yeah. I have a professional side, but because I'm with this organization. Yeah, I have a professional coaching site and things like that. But But yeah, I don't I right now, I mean, I use that. But if you if you're interested is Eric, the culture coach a bunch of underscores that AC 65 is really the easiest way to Yeah, that's that's the best. That's what I'm most active. That's where I see you the most on NC Yeah, that's what I'm most active on. Because I'm just crazy. Yeah. So I'm happy to engage.
Laura Wakefield:So the last question that I have for you, I was going to ask you how living authentically increased joy in life, but I feel like we've kind of covered that. So instead, because this is a joy based podcast, I'm going to ask you directly on a personal level. Where do you find joy in your life?
Erik Carpenter:That's good. Um, I have to choose here. Hold on, let me think. I mean, there's nothing like a great blueberry lemon scone talking about, um, I find joy in inspiring and encouraging others, to see the possibilities that exist within them. And that's in the world all around us. Like to? Uh, yeah, I mean, I feel so connected to that, that ability to inspire and encourage others. Tom Cruise said it best and Jerry Maguire, we live in a cynical, cynical world. And we do, and just don't turn on your news. But take my word for it. It's all around us. And it's not hard to find. But yeah, inspiring others to see their possibilities is, I mean, it just, it makes me hum in buzz.
Laura Wakefield:And you are so good at it, my friend I did with Eric immediately when I met him. And just always, always enjoy having conversations with you because I always walk away with some little nugget of wisdom that I can take into my life. And so I really appreciate you being here today.
Erik Carpenter:Thank you. Thank you for the platform. I think of what you're doing. And I don't know how much you've said or told but I just congratulations on your next adventure. Oh, thank
Laura Wakefield:you. Thank you. Yeah, I kind of announced that already. By the time that this this airs, but I'm moving to the beach. That's my boat. And I don't know exactly what the timeline is gonna be on that I'm trying to Yeah. is ready right now?
Erik Carpenter:is fantastic.
Laura Wakefield:But anyway, well thank you for being here today Eric and everybody go check out Eric on Instagram and Facebook. You won't regret it. He's just the nicest person as you can tell from this podcast with so much wisdom to share. Have a wonderful day thank you for joining me today on the joy Felicity podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and share and come follow me on all major social media sites at Joy Felicity or on my website, Joy felicity.com. You can follow the link in the description for this episode to all of the places that we can connect. Have a great day everybody and remember, dare to dream. Plan to play live to learn